Maybe it’s because I just hiked my first mountain in Mt. Pinatubo and I wished she was with me because she’s the biggest mountain lover I know. Maybe it’s just the happy couples that were hiking together. Maybe I just have free time today because I took time off work and want to do something besides reminiscing the past two of the best weekends of my life so far. Or maybe I just cannot contain what I feel anymore and had to pour it into writing so I won’t be spilling this to her this soon, but whatever the case may be, I am gonna take time to find answer to some really important question.
Note to self: If after two weeks and you still feel the same towards her, you better publish this article and find the courage to show this to her, hold on to her and never let her go or else the stars and I will never forgive you.
Why do I love her? How do I know I love her?
Those are the questions that I’ve always tried to answer but can’t seem to put into words. She talks not so often, nor lets anyone know her easily. So you’ll just have to wait for those moments when she does actually share pieces of her inner thoughts, and just listen to her, figure her out that way, piece by piece, and be thankful that she chose to share them with you. She wears this blank serious expression on her face most of the time, and it makes your confidence waver thinking you’re causing that, but you’ll learn to know that it’s just a part of her personality. That makes the moments when she does actually smile and laugh, highlighted by those huge, sparkling eyes as she gently brushes you, all the more special. She’s hard to please, definitely not easy to make her feel kilig, (Yes, kilig is now a word in Oxford English dictionary, look it up.) but you still try to do it every single day because you know you’d forever regret if you didn’t try to make her feel how special she is. She’s a passionate traveller, nature lover and future top chef, and that passion is so contagious you can’t help but want to share the experiences of going to beautiful places and fancy restaurants all around the world with no one else but her. To cap it all, she’s the most selfless person you’ll ever encounter. She cares so much about others without expecting anything in return and that just makes you want to give her a hug every minute you’re with her but you don’t because you know she’ll push you away the second you try to. She’s not easy to love, so why do I bother? One reason. She’s the only person I can see myself with, 20, 40, 60 years from now, because I fall for her more and more each day. When her hair turns gray and skin full of wrinkles, she’ll still fill my stomach with butterflies, and make me feel like it’s the first time I see her. Whenever our eyes meet, it feels like we’re the only two people in the world that matters. And even in the absence of words when we’re together, I still feel comfortably perfect with her. No words can fully express the bliss she gives me anyway, but I always have that strong urge to hold her hand though. There is only a person that can divide your lifetime in two parts, the before her and the after her, and she’s Her for me. After all that’s said, know that she still hasn’t told me she loves nor likes me yet, heck, she might even reject me in the future. But if I can choose to fall for someone all over again, I’d always choose her in a heartbeat and that’s how I know I love her.
16th May, 2016